Best Shirt Ever

The Flags V-Neck Tee





This bad boy is my perfect shirt. It combines all my favorite things.

Favorite Colorway- Black/Maize
Favorite Article of Clothing- V-neck T's
Favorite Brand- Crooks & Castles

Copped!


Shout out to J-phkr for the Kloop order.

CHOKE!

Dear Calgary,

I love you. I really do. I love my ghetto NE neighborhood, I love the erratic weather patterns, I love Kensington, 17th ave, Prince's Island park, Eau Claire, I even love Stampede, although it's been years since I've been down.

So don't take this wrong when I say....

HAHA Flames SUCK! Thank god they've been eliminated. 4 straight years being eliminated out in the first round. Pathetic. I'm glad I don't have to see another jersey in the office, hear any Flames talk or have my local programing cancelled by some stupid game.

PS- stop making excuses about injuries. Oh so and so was hurt, and blah blah wasn't @ 100%. As a team you should all take a collective deep breathe, change your tampons and go braid your vag pubes.

Lakers Rule All, 4-1 elimination win over the Utah Jazz. That's how you fucking do it. Real Talk

Euro Boob

Sorry boys, no pics for this story.

One of our chill days me and Anne decided to play some basketball in the pool. It was just the two of us until a European family showed up. A mother, her 2 kids in the water and their father who wasn't in the pool but was filming them swimming.

So we let them shoot with us. I mostly stayed near the net and just grabbed the rebounds when they would miss and pass the ball to them.

Well once a long rebound came to Anne and she passed it off to the mom (who will from now on be referred to as Euro Boob). Anne realized that one of Euro Boob's boobs had popped out of her bathing suit. But instead of tell her that, she just turned away! --> Love this chick.

So Euro Boob throws up a shot, missed and I grabbed the rebound. I turn around to pass the ball off to one of the kids and see her boob hanging out... WTF!

The dad who is filming realizes and starts screaming "your boob" in their language. But being a euro whore Euro Boob wasn't even phased. She popped the boob back in her suit and kept playing.

This was followed by the most awkward 2 minutes of my life. Finally we just peaced out and for the remainder of our trip we tried to avoid Euro Boob whenever we saw her.

Grand Sirenis

Me and wifey stayed at the Grand Sirenis in the Mayan Rivera.

An awesome 5 star hotel w/ a very modern look. Open spaces w/ Mayan architectural influences.

1 of the buildings. Each building was connected by these walkways.
(Front Lobby2)

(Shot of the sign from the high way)

We lucked out and scored a Suite w/ our package instead of a normal hotel room. Sad we didn't take pics of the washroom cause the jacuzzi, separate toilet stall and stand up showers made me feel like i was on cribs haha.

Sitting Area, desk and baclony
TV
King sized bed and that v shaped thing is the washroom. On the other side was the Jacuzzi

I've got tons more pics of the grounds but I'll have to do separate blog entries for the beach and pool areas.

Breaking it down

I've decided to give a lil pre-cursor before i start blogging about Mexico.

Previous vacations I gave up on blogging cause I got lazy from blogging about each day. This time around I'm just gonna blog about the memorable moments.

Enjoy bitches...

Stupid Internet

So they've started monitoring our internet usage and non-work related emails @ work.

Which fucking sucks! How am I supposed to get through my day w/o:

Insidehoops.com
Hoopsworld.com
FMylife.com
Kixinthecity.com
Niketalk.com
Beyond.ca

Yeah I'm getting more work done, but @ what price?

My sanity...

I'm back...

Yes I'm back mofos. Just like my usage of the word mofo. A word that was over used and sadly lost in the sands of time, I'm bringing it back.

Not like my last vacation in which I took an 8 month hiatus I am back and in full affect. Expect a full run down of my week in Mexico.

On Vaca Bitches

Leaving for Mexico tomorrow. Started the vacation off right last night w/ drinks after work at Flat Iron. I'll admit it I got a little buzz going on but nothing major.

Second edition of the Running club this morning. Ron Ron is half ape. I swear to god I was half expecting him to start running by pushing off on his knuckles. LOL for Kiko thinking the half way marker was the end of the run. Then it was off to Booster Juice for lunch. Thanks Claudine! And J for the Wheat Grass shot.

Me and wifey copped some snorkels and goggles at Coast Mountain sports, other supplies at Wal Mart and finally exchanged some funds for US cash.

Wifey headed to work. I watched the Cavs dominate the Pistons. Then took a shower and headed to the mall to look for some kicks to wear to Mexico. I HATE BUYING SHOES AT THE MALL. They never have anything good. A wasted hour. Now I'm waiting for Har to scoop me up for hot pot at Mrs. Flores place. Gotta teach Baby BV how to say "Arjay". I'll hollar later.

Flames Suck

Haha Flames suck. Glad they lost last night. I hope by the time I get back from vacation they would have already been eliminated from the playoffs.

And to fire back at a certain douche bag's comments on a previous post. If the Flames go deep into the playoffs I will have no problems heading to 17th ave. to party. Not to cheer on the Flames. But to drink in the streets and act a fool.

Does this make me a hypocrite? Hells no. I like to party and I hate the Flames. Will I go to a party to celebrate the Flames? Sure... but I'm there to party.

It's like when I went to the Nas concert a couple of years ago and kept screaming out "I love you Kanye" and "Sing Stronger!". Haha. Okay it's not exactly like that, because I actually like Nas. I just remembered that story.

In closing, Flames suck, Hockey sucks, and Lakers Rule All.

Damn It!

Big quarterly meeting today held @ the Lakeview Signature Inn. I made it through 3 presentations w/ just 1 more to go.

Let's just say I didn't make it. My eyes closed and my head started to nodd off. Everyone noticed... including the guy giving the presentation.

Another FMM for the books.

Flames Suck

Dear "Middle-aged-woman-at-work-wearing-the-kids-sized-Flames-jersey-today-cause-it's-a-fuckin-playoff-game",

Flames suck and you're old... wear grown people sizes you whore.

I hate the Flames and hockey coverage in Canada sucks. Sunday is the start of the NBA playoffs and we'll be lucky to get half of the playoff games televised.

I'm coming in to work in a Lakers jersey every time they play. If anyone complains I'm gonna demand that no one be allowed to wear a stupid Flames jersey during their playoff games.

Real Talk

Haircut

My network @ work was down all morning. Okay, not the whole network, just my PC.

So while IT attempts to fix it I decided to get a haircut. It's a good day when the hardest decision I have to make is whether to get a faux hawk or something different.

F' My Morning

Fuck My Morning- Last night after the gym I specifically placed my wallet in a place I knew I would remember not to forget to grab it the next morning. Unfortunately I couldn't remember where I put it.

I was up since 6:30 and had intended to leave by 7:30 so I can do a quick stop at StarBucks. It took me 25 mins. to find my wallet, which included a mini tantrum in which I threw a bunch of clothes from my bed all over the ground.

Where did I find my wallet?

In the breast pocket of the jacket I was going to wear to work... FMM.

Better than...

What's better than a free lunch?

A free lunch paid w/ your co-workers severence package. Hollar! Haha. Thanks Lisa.

Idling

I've got 5 days till me and wifey are off to Mexico to spend 7 sun filled days in the sandy white beaches of the Mayan Riviera.

Only problem is I still have 3 (4 if you count today) days of work left. I find myself standing idely by and just staring into my computer.

Things haven't been slow, I get plenty of work every day. It's just the fact that if I really focus I can get a day's worth of work done in half the time, also factor in the fact that I'm dying to be vacation.

Expect a lot of random posts for the rest of the week.

All alone

Wifey's out of town w/ the world's #1 sleeper, which leaves me alone in bed tonight.

Do you guys wanna know what the only good thing about sleeping alone is? I don't have to brush my teeth before i go to bed.

Yeah I said it... Real Talk

Awesome morning

Great morning today. Beautiful weather out so me and the cousins decided to hit Prince's Island park for a 5K run.

There was me, Anne, Jane, Jordan, Har, Arnold and Claudine.

Being the uber competitive family we are we made a bet that the last person back to the parking lot had to buy lunch... which turned out to be Jane. Good thing she increased her CC limit the other day, haha.

After running we hit 17th Ave. for lunch at Jugo Juice. Then me, Anne, and Jane went to Cakeworks to pick up Lo-lee's birthday cake for her big party tomorrow. Cakeworks did an awesome job. If I'm not lazy I'll post pics later.

-Reez out

Blockbuster

So last night after dinner w/ the Fam @ Sumo me, Anne, Jane and Jordan decided to have a chill night at Ate Har's. So we stopped at Blockbuster to get a movie.

While we were paying for the movie Jordan was off to the side looking at DVD's. I had the following convo w/ the teller:

Me: My brother over there is mentaly retarded. Could you please say good bye to him?
Teller: Sure, I say goodbye to everyone so you didn't even have to ask.
Me: Thanks, but could you do something special like wave and say his name? His name is Jordan. It would really make his day.
Teller: Sure no problem.

At thtat very moment Jordan turns towards us holding up a DVD copy of Independence Day. A special cover w/ a hologram pic of the white house. When you have it a certain angle the white house is normal, at a different angle it explodes.

Jordan: Look... (shows the cover at the angle in which it looks normal) and then ... (turns the cover so the hologram shows the exploded pic) BOOM.

(Hahaha, this pretty much sealed the deal w/ the teller letting her know that he was retarded)

So as we were walking out me and the girls step back and let Jordan go first. She hands him the movie and snacks and says...

Teller: *Waving Bye Jordan :)
Jordan: Bye... *leans in forward to read her name tag, and reads out slowly* A-L-ICE.

Hahaha we go outside and we tell Jordan that we told Alice he was retarded, he proceeds to chase me around the parking lot threatening to kill me...

Good Times

I am better than...

I am a better rapper than Joaquin Phoenix. For you that have been blessed enough to hear my flows you know. Real Talk son...

Network down again

Our network @ work just crashed again for the third time in 3 days.

Wtf is the point of having an asian IT guy if he can't even do his job. Go back to China Bi Ling.

Love is....

Love is bringing home leftovers for your significant other.

When was the last time you did this? You know it's been a while... You're pathetic. Kill yourself

Sun sets.... OFFICIALLY!

It's official as of 10 mins ago. The Phoenix Suns are officially not eligible to make the 2009 NBA playoffs after the Dallas Mavericks completely obliterated the Utah Jazz 130-101.

Shout out to JJ Barrera who dropped 18 pts and 9 assists in less then 25mins. Disco Dirk chipped in 31 and Terry chipped in w/ 21.

But that's not the point of this entry. The point is the Big Cactus aka The Big Aristotle, The Big Diesel, the Big Pile of Shit (as / me) is officially out of the playoffs and is ushering in the end of the Phoenix Suns. I feel for guys like Nash, Grant Hill and Leonardo Barbosa but my hatred for Shaq is stronger then my compassion for those nice guys.

Cry you bastard...

And get used to this seat cause that's where you'll be watching the playoffs, sitting on your ass...


-I hate you

Advice from Barney Stinson

When is it okay to wait a month to have sex w/ a woman?

Barney- "When that woman is 17 years and 11 months old".

Good News Bad News

Good news- I can get FMyLife on my blackberry.

Bad news- IT guy is gone till 2pm. My system @ work is internet based. I've got nothing to do.

Internet Down

So my internet connection @ work is down which makes lunch pretty much unbearable.

Luckly for me I'm equipped for such emergencies. I have my blackberry for blogging and my ipod for entertainment.

Mindless thoughts this morning- lower back hurts and my knees are scabbed up. I am an awesome badminton player.

If I really wanted to I could probably be a model.

Well that's it for now. Time to watch episodes of season 1 of "How I met your mother". A must watch sitcom for all my followers and another reason Neil Patrick Harris is our generation's greatest actor.

Single of the Second

Got hit up w/ this link from Catts. When I saw it featured Kid Cudi I wasn't feeling it at all, even before I heard it. But after I heard it I realized I shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.

*BTW the single is Kid Cudi feat. Kanye, & Common- "I Poke Her Face"
An awesome remix of Lady Gaga's Poker Face

But then I realized I don't think Kid Cudi was the person i thought he was. Google to the rescue.

This is Kid Cudi...


And this is who I THOUGHT WAS KID CUDI...

T's Bday

So today was my coworker Tanya's (aka "T") birthday. I was in charge of getting the cupcakes and decorating her cubicle.

First mission- Cupcakes and decorations. I called Cakeworks and ordered cupcakes and balloons. And have the following conversation:

Her- Have you ever ordered w/ us before?
Me- No, but I was in there yesterday w/ my gf. We ordered that cake for our god daughter's birthday
Her- Oh yes I remember, is this for your gf?
Me- No... it's for my wife
Her- Oh... well I guess that's non of my business

LOL

Second mission- Leave lunch w/o raising suspicion- After lunch was over I made an excuse to duck out of Flat Iron early. My excuse? This weekend is Easter and I have to prepare.

Third mission- Decorating- I got back to the office and decorated her cubicle. This is why I should never be in charge of decorations

T's a trooper. I told her if she took one streamer down I'd be pissed. She worked all afternoon in that mess! Hahaha. Awesome. You are today's Freak-A-Da-Day!

Doogie Howser

Early Monday morning and I've had the theme song to Doogie Howser stuck in my head. I've even caught myself whistling it out loud several times this morning.

If you don't know who Doogie Howser is peep wikepdia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doogie_Howser

Neil Patrick Harris- The greatest actor of our generation.

Weekend Recap

Friday- Quadruple late night date at Moxie's. Me, Anne, Matt, Leah, Har, Mike, Rudy and "Lil miss 5 moxie sized monkeys lunch and 2 moxie sized paralyzers" aka Ash.

Saturday- Har's house warming. Lesson of the evening: Antibiotics, pain killers, 6 beers, 6 mojitos and a forgotten amount of rum and vodka shots DO NOT MIX. Another lesson learned, my gf is the best and does deserve props for putting up w/ my shit.

Sunday- An hour and a half cleaning up the mess I made in wifey's car, 2 hours of ball @ cardel w/ J-phkr, Arnold and Dave. And then then date night w/ wifey. Sushi at Globefish (2 thumbs and one erection up!) and Fast and the Furious 4.

*Watch out later this week on my review of both Globe Fish and FF4.

Gossip Guy Vol.1

Spotted at the Sunridge Mall... Gym Nazi's significant other w/ a younger man. Who could this be? And could it spell trouble for our star crossed lovers? Stay tuned...

-Gossip Guy

J-Phkr's Business Contacts

J-Phkr has a conversation with his Project Manager about a business contact found in his rolodex:

PM: “what’s FCNY?”
J-Phkr: “oh…Flight Club New York”
PM: “what’s that?”
J-Phkr: “It’s a shoe store…probably the best in New York”
PM: “like…”
J-Phkr: “like sneakers and stuff”
PM: “why do you have their business card in your Rolodex?”
J-Phkr: “….I don’t know..” *blank stare
PM: *walks away*

So much pain

Friday morning and I'm in so much pain. Like gut wrenching excruciating pain. It feels like someone nailed a nail to my hip, attached a rubber band around the nail and nailed it to the back of lower thigh. It kills to stand up or to move in any direction.

And what does my doctor prescribe? Does he give me a recommendation to see a chiropractor? No. Does he recommend deep tissue massages? No. This son of a bitch gives me a prescription for a months worth of muscle relaxants. Thanks for nothing.

@ the Doctors

I fucking hate doctors. I made an appointment on Monday and they told me the next available date was at the end of May. Wtf? What if I was dying? I gotta wait till May? Fuck that.

But luck would have it there was a cancellation and I got an appointment for today, April 2 @ 1pm. I arrive @ 12:45 and a half hour later I'm still waiting. Why the fuck would you make an appointment if you still gotta wait?

And another thing, if you've ever been to a doctors office in the NE you'll feel me on this. I feel like I'm in a fucking terrorist convention and all these mother fuckers are just waiting to get bombs strapped onto them.

I'm just waiting for Aladin to snatch my blackberry while Abu distracts me. Fucking Agrabah.

-rant over

Brazilians

When chick's get brazilian waxes do they get their a-hole's done too?

Please let me know. I'm dying to know.

BREAKING NEWS...

This just in, my receptionist at work has refilled the candy bowl... but not with the usual basic candy... but w/ Girl Guide cookies. That's right. Mother fuckin' GIRL GUIDE cookies. If anyone needs me I'll be at reception most of the day.

Lazy River

A conversation in the pool last night w/ J-Phkr:

Me- So this resort me and Anne are staying at in Mexico has a lazy river that runs through the entire resort property.

J-Phkr- Oooh Oooh is that uhh... a natural lazy river?

Me- A natural lazy river? That would make it a river... fool.

Lesson learned- Common sense is not so common in everyone

Too much sleep

God dang it. I slept through King of Queens and half of Star Gate Sg-1... this day sucks.

Party like a rockstar?

Andrew Bynum was supposed to be Shaq's heir apparent. Drafted w/ the number 10 pick in the 2005 draft he was supposed to help cushion the lost of Shaq from the previous year. He was supposed to come in and become Kobe's #2, he was supposed to use the tutelage of Lakers great Kareem Abdul-Jabaar and re-incarnate the sky hook.

His progression didn't go as planned. By the summer of 2007 Kobe Bryant was heard ranting about how Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak was an idiot for not trading Bynum for the (then) dominant PG Jason Kidd. Maybe it was this video that finally forced Bynum to man up and begin to approach the level of potential many had labeled him with. Cause for the first half of the 2007-2008 season Bynum was beasting. Easily averaging a double double and finally creating a three headed monster with Kobe Bryant and Lamar Odom that the Lakers faithful had been waiting for for 3 years.

Then January 13, 2008 came. Against the Memphis Grizzlies Bynum accidentally lands on teammate Lamar Odom's left foot and would go on to dislocate his left kneecap. Season over. But not for the Lakers. Kupchak would work his magic and fleece the Grizzlies for Pau Gasol in exchange for little used Kwame Brown, rookie PG Javris Criton and the rights to Pau's brother Marc who was still in Spain playing and not due to make his NBA debut until 2008-2009.

The Lakers would go on to abosultely beast w/ Gasol in the lineup. A dream season that ended with them meeting the hated Celtics in the NBA finals. It was easy to see how the Celt's dominated the Lakers so well. When you have Kevin Garnett and Kendrick Perkins giving Pau Gasol work and pretty much man handling any other Laker forward then it's easy to see where the Lakers would miss a guy like Bynum.

2009 was supposed to be different. Andrew Bynum came back healthy, so did Trevor Ariza, and a full year with Pau Gasol was supposed to make a trip back to the finals a cake walk. It was funny to see how many people had the Lakers slotted as the early season favorites to win it all.

Then came January 31, 2009. First 5 minutes of the game against the Grizzlies Kobe Bryant falls back awkwardly and hyper extends Bynum's knee. Initial prognoses was that Andrew would be out 8-12 weeks. Not bad. The Lakers still holding it down and as of April 1st have locked in the #1 spot in the West for the playoffs.

Reports from earlier this week indicated that Andrew was close to coming back at full strength. All that hard work and rehab was finally going to pay off and just in time to get tuned up for the playoffs. Then wtf does Bynum go off and party at the fuckin playboy mansion? Rumors of him jumping over velvet ropes, drinking and straight acting a fool have come pouring in for the past couple of days.

All I'm saying is that this mother fucker best not cost us another 'ship. Bitch you better be ready to go. Only person who should be on your shoulders is Kobe Bryant... in June... after you guys bring home the '09 'ship.

Freak-A-Da-Day

Today's Freak-A-Da-Day gets mad props. Most people get down on my man cause he smacked his moms, but for reals... NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER TALK TO A MAN LIKE THAT. I don't care if it is yo moms, step up dog and let'er know "your not completely the boss of me".

Do you dog. I gave you a standing ovation when I saw this video for the first time and I'm sure somewhere Chris Brown is clapping.

Home Sick

Home sick, haven't been feeling well all week. I'm guessing I caught something from all the little brats at Chuckie Cheese. If you think that's absurd my sister thought she caught lice and pink eye from being at Chuckie Cheese.

Anyway's here's my top 5 reasons I hate being home sick...

1.) Sleeping in is cool, by noon though I'm all slept out, in the evening when I should go to bed I can't cause I got all that sleep in the morning.

2.) Day time TV sucks. The only good day time TV starts at 3pm on TBS (I know it's Peachtree but to me it'll always be TBS) when King of Queens airs back to back for an hour.

3.) Being home makes me hungry more frequently then I would be if I were busy at work.

4.) I get paranoid at what my so called "friends" maybe emailing my work account. If you don't think this is a big deal I once received 80+ emails in one day when I was out sick when I was working for the Forzani Group.

5.) I'm usually super horney when I'm home sick but my lady won't have sex w/ me because I am sick.